I am my greatest enemy. When I take a step with my right foot, my left one trips it up. When my heart wants to scream out, my throat closes up for the words. Who says that everyone knows himself the best? It’s not true. Such kind of complete knowledge is a self-realization, a victory over yourself. I cannot fully realize myself. This means that I have to be objective. How can I be objective towards myself? Self irony is a good approach toward becoming objective, but it’s not enough. Because your soul should be calm and humble, as well. Not seeking what you don’t have. If you’re a seeker, you never can be objective, because you should admit that you’re not happy (if you’re happy, you wouldn’t ask for anything else, right) and human nature wouldn’t allow such a revelation, because human nature isn’t so strong. People live with illusions, although sometimes it’s so obvious how wrong are they.

It’s a common sense that when you realize yourself, you’re fulfilled, so you should be happy. But damn, it so much easier to list the hundreds of things I don’t consider that I am or want to do, instead of list the things I consider myself I am or wanna do.

It’s easier to live with illusions and demand for more and more than staying on a place, reconciling to yourself, being humble and realistic. More or less, we wouldn’t like to admit that life is what is happening now. Life should be something…more beautiful, emotional, meaningful…but life is me. I am life or the way I perceive it.

Ok, we get to the zero point. I am my greatest enemy, because I limit myself. I love myself so much. I don’t wanna suffer, but I don’t know myself that much to be sure that in the new situation I can handle it without any grief. But grief opens the depth of your soul and makes it more humble. If you’re hopelessly sincere in your grief, then you bury one illusion. Every buried illusion is a chance.